Monday, March 06, 2006

I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

In a surprise twist at this year’s Oscars I didn’t feel the urge to get violent with my TV at any point during the broadcast. Sure it had it’s annoying moments like George Clooney winning for best supporting actor. It’s not that I didn’t think he deserves it because in all honesty I’ve been waiting years for somebody from the Facts of Life to finally get their due. (I always hoped it would be Mrs. Garrett.) Plus, there wasn’t anyone in this particular category that I thought was a standout. I don’t know what it is but something about George Clooney just makes me not want him to win anything. It seems like he’s gotten this far just on his charm so what does he need an Oscar for? Somebody else could put it to a lot better use. Aside from that I was a little disappointed that Catherine Keener didn’t win best supporting actress. She is definitely due. However, I couldn’t be too upset since this was a pretty tough category and I would have been happy with either Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand or Rachel Weisz winning.

Top 5 Oscar Highlights:

Dolly Parton’s Performance
Only Dolly could get a room full of Hollywood’s finest clapping their hands to a country song. I know people only think of one thing when they think of Dolly Parton (okay I guess it’s technically two) but in my opinion she is someone who doesn’t get enough respect. Not only has she written some really great songs but she started her own theme park. She is truly a double threat. (once again no double meaning there). On a side note, if you are ever in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee you really should stop by Dollywood. This is mainly because if you are in Pigeon Forge there really isn’t anything else to do and also because it is quite an operation.

Reese Witherspoon’s Acceptance Speech
Say what you will about Reese but she did put in a great performance in “Walk the Line”. I especially appreciated the fact that she didn’t get overly emotional during here speech which seems to be a requirement for every female actress who wins this award. She managed to say everything she needed to say and of course the best part of her speech were the close-ups we got of her husband Ryan “Don’t Mind if I Do” Phillippe.

The “Three 6 Mafia” winning Best Original Song for “It’s Hard out There for a Pimp”
Can you say dark horse? I am a big fan of the underdog but I’ve got to be honest I did not see this one coming. It was quite entertaining to see these guys accept their award. They were obviously as surprised as the rest of the academy who I believe have already requested an official recount.

Jon Stewart as Host
It’s obvious that theme for this year’s Oscar’s was “And the Last Shall Be First”. In order to keep with this theme the academy had originally hoped to find a gay transsexual cowboy to host the show. Unfortunately they were unsuccessful so they decided that a Jew would be the next best thing. I think it’s a tough gig and Jon Stewart did a good job. I thought he was funny without seeming like he was trying too hard and I think he learned from Chris Rock’s mistake and played it a little safer.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman winning Best Actor
Definitely the most well deserved Oscar of the evening. This guy's great in everything he does and it's about time he got an Oscar to prove it.

Top 5 Oscar Lowlights:

Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture
Am I the only one wondering what all the fuss is about this movie? The acting was average, the characters were underdeveloped, and the story wasn’t all that interesting. I understand that these types of things are very subjective but for me a great movie is one that makes you see the world around you a little differently than you had before. Brokeback in this case didn’t tell a story that many movies before hadn’t already told:
Lesson #1: Being gay isn’t easy. Check
Lesson #2: The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Double Check
Lesson #3: If you have an affair, your wife will probably find out. Check
Lesson #4: If you’re going on a fishing trip with your “fishing buddy” make sure to actually use the fishing pole…to catch fish.

Goodnight & Good Luck for Best Picture
Oh my goodness!!! You’re telling me that the media is not completely unbiased? They’re under constant pressure from the government and big business? What? When did this start? Oh yeah, since the beginning of journalism. Wow George Clooney you’re cinematic masterpiece is so ahead of its time. Oh wait, this story’s already been told before and better. Please reference “All the Presidents Men” (1976) followed by “The Insider” (1999). I will say that David Strathearn was very good in the role of Edward R. Murrow and did deserve his nomination for Best Actor. I just didn’t think this was Best Picture material.

Finding out that Lauren Bacall doesn’t know how to read
Seriously Lauren what are you on? I think you added an extra ten minutes to the Oscar broadcast with your first grade reading skills. Somebody forgot to tell her that the teleprompter is supposed to be read from left to right.

Constant Gardener not nominated for Best Picture
This movie not being nominated for Best Picture was one of the bigger oversights of this year’s Oscar’s. The story and the acting were great and definitely deserved a nomination especially when compared to a movie like Brokeback Mountain.

Joan Allen Oscarless
Joan Allen is in my opinion one of the greatest actresses out there today. Why doesn’t she have an Oscar yet? Why wasn’t she even nominated? She has more talent in her pinky than Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, and Julia Roberts combined. If you haven’t seen these movies see them immediately (in this order): “The Contender”, “The Upside of Anger”, “Yes”.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am damn near certain that DVDs, On-Demand, TiVo, &c. are causing this massive decline in box office business, and that the fact of a lack of original movie ideas are unrelated: Munich '72, Edward R. Murrow/Goodnight and Goodluck, Capote, Johnny Cash &c. Remember, truth is stranger than fiction (except when you make it into fiction, in which case it just sucks).

And yes, Jon Stewart was awesome. Too bad the Republic of California is the last bastion of defense against cynical New Yorkers, though, cos he actually put in a good performance. When can we expect a new Olsen Twins/Lindsay Lohen/[insert bubblegum princess here] blockbuster out?

Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood, only then shall I rejoin the watching of these swineherders parading their prizewinning hogs before us, taking awards home for pushing the few left of us into theat(r)es.

3/07/2006 11:42 AM
Anonymous said...

Heather,

Here are my two favorite Oscar highlights:

1) George Clooney's token "I love black people/I hate the US government" schtick at the end of his acceptance speech. Do you really think that he ever heard of that old black bag that he mentioned in his speech? I'm sure he just looked it up five minutes prior.

2) Just seeing a room full of so many Jews. They really do run the world.

Regards,
A big hook-nosed Jew wannabe

3/07/2006 7:27 PM
Anonymous said...

2) Just seeing a room full of so many Jews. They really do run the world.

No they do not, that would be the 'Orientals' [let's be politically here]. But if they think that they can just swoop right in and start importing their cars to the eventual collapse of Wagoner Motors Corp. or worse yet, use up the oil which God has decreed upon the Capitalist States of America, then we predict soon a terrific way to wipe the National Debt off the books.

"Behold ye sheep, for I Your Shepherd have bestowed upon the earth all oil so that ye may consume it, and in my name seize upon the fields and subdue them."
--From the second letter of George to the Evangelicals, NIV

3/08/2006 11:12 PM

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