Bill Gates Does Not Own a Cat

Procrastination you are not my friend. It all started out pretty innocently which I guess can be said about a lot of things that don’t end that way. I had planned a rather ambitious evening for myself. I had company coming the next day and I needed to prepare a number of items ahead of time. I knew that I had a full evening ahead of me. By about 8PM I was ahead of schedule and just had one item left to prepare. So I’m a little tired at this point and as I survey the kitchen which was full of dirty dishes I decide that in order to get my second wind I need the right music. For me, the right soundtrack is essential when tackling unpleasant tasks. Unfortunately the thirty mix CDs I had previously made were just not quite what I was looking for. I made my way upstairs to create my next masterpiece. As luck would have it my laptop was next to my bed which of course meant I’d have to lie down on my bed to make the CD. So I cue things up and begin burning my CD. I decide that while I’m waiting for it to finish I could just take a power nap. This is where things began to go south since the shortest “power” nap I’ve ever taken was five hours. So as I’m lying there “resting my eyes” my cat jumps up on the bed and makes her way over to me. And so it begins, I think to myself. Of course she curls up next to me just begging to be petted. I’m not a serial killer so of course I can’t resist. I begin rubbing her in all the right spots and instantly wish that people were this easy to please. She begins purring so loudly that I worry the neighbor’s children might be awoken from their slumber. I continue petting her since I figure who am I to deny her this kind of pleasure? Soon she rolls over onto her back with her paws fully outstretched so that I can have full access to her stomach which has been ignored up to this point. In case you’re wondering, my CD finished burning about one hour ago now. Minutes soon turn into hours and eventually when I look over at the clock it is 11:30. How did this happen? I then remember exactly how it happened as I look and see that my cat is curled up in the cat fetal position in my arms sleeping so soundly that I wonder if the sound of a can opener would even wake her. As I stare longingly into her eyes I realize that I don’t think that very many successful people have cats. I bet Bill Gates doesn’t have a cat. If he does it’s definitely not very cute. You know how I know? It’s because he actually gets things done. If he had a cat as charming as mine there’s no way Microsoft would exist today and I can guarantee that.

Eventually my cat woke up and left me and even though it was hard I knew it was for the best. I think she knew that if she didn’t get up I may not be able to. I think in some ways she knew it was in her best interest as well since if she kept things up I was liable to call in sick to work the next day and eventually lose my job which would be bad news for both of us. I appreciated her foresight. She is wise beyond her years. Well maybe not since I think she’s 85 in cat years or does that just apply to dogs? I just want to say for the record that before I had a cat I always thought cat people were slightly dysfunctional. There was always something just a bit off about them. I still stand by that theory I just understand the dysfunction now and embrace it.

A lot of people wonder if you can successfully balance your career and your family. I don’t. The more interesting question in my opinion is whether you can balance accomplishing things and owning a cat. So far I have not been successful, but I’m going to keep working at beating the odds.