No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

So a friend recently relayed a story that I found pretty funny and for some reason it got me thinking. As the story goes, my friend who we'll call "Michelle" was minding her own business while in a local Starbuck's type establishment. As she's sitting there she sees a woman in a wheelchair making her way to the restroom. Being the kind soul that she is she thinks to herself that maybe she should go assist the woman. She makes her way over and opens the door for her and makes sure she gets into the bathroom alright. If you're keeping track at home this would be mistake #1.

As it turns out this woman is paraplegic and she asks my friend if she wouldn't mind helping her get out of her wheelchair and onto the toilet. Here's where things start to get dicey for me. Of course nobody wants to walk away from a paraplegic in need but I think it's asking a lot of a complete stranger to expect them to help you on and off a toilet. Surprisingly unfazed however, Michelle agrees to assist. Now that her new friend is securely mounted on the toilet Michelle assumes that she'll excuse herself and allow the woman to take it from here. Unfortunately, in addition to being a paraplegic this woman also has a fear of abandonment and asks her if she'll just wait until she's done.

At this point in the story I am no longer feeling sympathy for Michelle and wondering how she has allowed things to get this far. As she waits for this self inflicted torture to end she averts her eyes and attempts to make small talk. "So a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar…" Okay, I'm not really sure what they talked about but I’m sure whatever it was would have rated very high on the awkward small talk scale. At some point Michelle hears something fall to the ground. As luck would have it, it was this woman’s diaper which has now gone rogue. Oh wow, that couldn’t be good. Fortunately, our friend’s not quadriplegic and since she’s still got two working limbs I’m sure she should be able to take care of that herself…OR NOT. Personally, at this juncture I think I’d seriously start looking for the hidden camera because there is no way this would really be happening. Fortunately, Michelle’s still nearby and since she seems to have an unending capacity for performing really unsavory tasks she’s more than willing to assist with the diaper retrieval. (I’m currently making a mental note to add Michelle to my Christmas card list as she will obviously be a very useful person to have around in my old age. I’m now making a second mental note to actually start a Christmas card list.) So I'm going to spare the nitty gritty of the rest of this exchange because as you can imagine assisting a stranger with their diaper retrieval and toilet dismount is not a pleasant experience and truthfully I'm not so sure I want to relive it.

This story did get me thinking though. It got me thinking about how something like this would never happen to me. It's not because I'm not a kind person because I do think that I actually am. Then again maybe that's like how everybody thinks they’re a good driver? I guess I just don't really look for or invite opportunities to help strangers into my life. Sure if someone asks for help I'm more than happy to help and I think about helping people all the time. I sometimes see strangers walking down the street and think to myself "Wow, I wish I could help them. They look like they could use it." In the end though I spend a lot of time worrying that I might be intruding. After all, the last thing I'd want to do is offend someone by presuming that they need my help. In order for me to help someone I like to be sure of the need either by way of an engraved invitation or an excessive amount of blood or carnage. Unfortunately this means that sometimes I'm a day late and a dollar short. Michelle on the other hand didn't wait to be asked to help. Sure this might mean she’ll end up handling a few adult diapers before all is said and done but she ended up doing a good thing and got a good story out of it which of course makes just about anything worthwhile.