After a bit of a hiatus I am back. I know it probably seems that I’ve just been lazy or uninspired but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact I’ve been pretty busy doing some of my most important life’s work. I started doing some soul searching a few months ago and started thinking about what my legacy was going to be here on this earth. You know, how was I going to be remembered and what was I going to leave behind? It was a very short and insignificant list and ended up being a very sobering time of reflection which soon turned into a not so sobering time of further reflection. Needless to say I realized I had essentially wasted a great deal of time. However, I also realized that I still had a chance to make something of my life. So I decided that the best way to make sure that I was remembered was to solve an important global problem. I began by making a list of some of the world’s greatest problems and figured I’d narrow it down from there. Here’s what the first draft of the list looked like:
- The
- Global Warming
- Polio
After perusing the list I decided to start by choosing the item on the list that I knew would have the most impact. This of course was the polio epidemic. However, after doing extensive research I was surprised to learn that apparently somebody had already beaten me to the punch on this one and found a cure a few years ago. Boy I wish my pediatrician had known about that. Ah well, it was an honest oversight I’m sure. Plus, my limp is barely noticeable to most people as long as I’m not moving. From there I decided to start with the low hanging fruit and so I began researching this middle east situation. To get a little perspective I watched the movie “
Although a little discouraged, I decided to soldier on. So I moved to the next item on my list which was global warming. I was so inspired by Al Gore’s “Inconvenient Truth” that I decided to start doing my part. First of all, can I just say how fascinating I find Al Gore. Here’s a guy who was a senator, a vice president, invented the internet, won/lost a presidential election is now attempting to put an end to global warming but probably still can’t get more than five people outside of a blue state to vote for him. What does a brother have to do to get some respect? A word to the wise here Al – quit doing things that matter since obviously nobody cares. Speaking of Al Gore I was just going through some boxes the other day and came across this bumper sticker I bought during the 2000 election that said “Nixon in 2000. At least he’s not as stiff as Gore.” C’mon you have to agree that’s pretty funny? Okay, you don’t. So back to me and Al Gore vs. global warming… So I decided the first step in my fight for the environment was to stop making fun of people with hybrid cars. This was when I realized that real progress doesn’t come without meaningful sacrifices. Next, I reduced my usage of CFC producing aerosol hairspray down to two bottles a day. Those of you who know me best will understand when I say that this was where the rubber really meets the road for me. Let me tell you for the first couple of days people barely recognized me. Fortunately though I found that not only was this a good move for the environment but also from a safety perspective as I realized that if someone had come within ten feet of me with any type of heat source I would have been lit up like a roman candle. Anyway, I really felt like I was making some progress That was until Christmas day rolls around and I realize I’m outside in what used to be referred to as the “Great White North” and it’s raining not snowing and I’m wearing a long sleeved shirt no jacket and feeling quite comfortable. That’s when this global warming thing really hit home. Fortunately, just as I was about to pull my Hummer out of storage to resume using it as my grocery-getter the temperature started to plummet and as of today I can spend no more than ten seconds outside without losing total feeling in my extremities. Now that’s what I call progress! Sure I have third degree frostbite and I may lose a toe or two but if Gandhi could go without a few big macs for the sake of his beliefs who am I to complain?
1 comment:
You've inspired me to do my part, too. So, from now on:
1. I will still drive to the grocery store, but I won't just leave my car running outside. I know this will make getting away after the robbery tougher, but we all have to do our bit.
2. I will no longer burn everything that I can't easily recycle (that is, everything except empty wine bottles) unless it is so flammable that it's obviously designed to be burned (like Styrofoam and batteries).
3. I will give money to people on the street only if they can demonstrate to me that they are actively seeking to reduce their carbon footpirnt.
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